Potion Commotion
by Drunken Shinigami
Summary: Umehito Nekozawa has finally plotted his revenge for Tamaki Suou for hurting Bereznoff: A Misery Potion! But to all his luck, he accidentally makes a LOVE potion, and ends up making Tamaki fall in love with him! What can he do now? TamakiNekozawa crackfic
1. Prologue

**Potion Commotion  
**By Drunken Shinigami

Beautiful greenish-blue eyes stared intensly at the writing scribbled hastily on a crinkled sheet of paper inside a leather-bound book resting on his knee. Pale hands ran their fingertips over the items layed out in front of him like a display, a boiling pot simmering over a hot pad a little further away.

"Five ounces of rubarb…eight ounces of lemon…" Came the muttered, soft voice from Umehito Nekozawa, his blond hair swaying in front of his vision. He raised a parched hand and tucked a golden lock behind his ear, not even for a second breaking his concentration.

The rest of the Black Magic Club stared on in awe.

"Nekozawa-sempai is so… dedicated," Came the slurred voice from a member, donning an exact replica of the cloak their leader wore. Nervous hands fidgeted with the edge of the sleeves, twisting them in anxiety.

The other five nodded slowly, drool beginning to come from the corner of their mouthes.

It was a long silence, Nekozawa not even bothering to notice five fans drooling three meters away from him while the five fans continued to stare dreamily at him.

"I…" Began the hoarse whisper from their leader.

"I'VE DONE IT!" He bellowed.

All the members screeched and made a motion to hide behind something, but all thoughts were dashed aside as the blond Nekozawa raised a beaker over his head and laughed triumphantly.

"Finally! My slavery over this potion has donned on me good news!" The five members scuttled closer to him.

"What is it?" One member asked, large eyes almost at tears from watching her mentor look so joyful.

"The potion to bring Tamaki-kun to his KNEES!" Nekozawa answered, blue-green eyes shining brightly as he lowered the beaker in front of his face. Carefully pulling out an odd-shaped glass container, he poured the liquid into it, shook the beaker for any extra liquid, and shoved a cork on the top.

"What kind of potion?" The first member asked after watching his mentor pour the liquid into the vile.

"It gives you great misery, changing your attitude and your outlook on life with a few choice chemicals to mess with your bodily fluids," Nekozawa explained, "It will make Tamaki-kun depressive and bad! He will lose face in the Host Club for harming my poor Bereznoff and my sanity!" He laughed triumphantly, one hand already aiming for his black wig.

Positioning it on with one hand (a skill he was very proud of) over his golden locks, he was then handed his cloak to put over his delicate skin.

All this being done, he began his walk towards the door linked with the music room the Host Club was using. (Many people still don't know how that is possible, but it is.)

"Sir, where is the anti-potion?" He knew well that his precious Nekozawa-sempai was smart, he always had an anti potion in case anything went wrong.

"In the fifth cabinet on station five, but we won't need it. For I know I have followed every step to the closest exact possible." Nekozawa responded, smirking. He knew today the dark Gods were on his side, for his concentration had not been broken. He will bring Suou his misery!

The members sighed dreamily, watching their leader creep out the door and shut it with a click behind him.

It fell silent, "I want to check to see if he followed each step properly," came one member's opinion.

"FOOL! IF NEKOZAWA-SEMPAI SAID HE HAS DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT, THEN HE HAS DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT!" Another member shrieked, shaking the girl by the collar of her cloak.

The first member, ignoring the commotion behind him, picked up the book Nekozawa had been reading from, and paled.

"Oh… Oh no!" He yelled, clasping the leather-bound book to his chest and turned to face the other members. He looked like he was going to cry.

"What is it!" The male member who had been shaking his younger sister insisted sharply.

"He… he **did** follow everything correctly; I saw him do so…" He began.

"But isn't that good?" Another member chirped up, female.

"N-No!"

"Why!" Everyone whined.

"HE MADE A _LOVE_ POTION, NOT A MISERY POTION!" He extended the book from his chest to his fellow members, the worn title on the cover having a large pink heart on it that said 'Love' in red inside it.

Everyone fell silent.

"We… We must go out and find Nekozawa-sempai, before it's too late!"

"YES SIR!"

(Author Note: This is still in the process of being made, so please do not hate me if I start making them a bit OOC. ;.; Forgive-eth meee!

Very short chapter, more action with the Host Club shall ensue next chappie. :3)


	2. The Commotion Begins

**Potion Commotion  
**Chapter 2: The Commotion Begins  
By Drunken Shinigami

(Notes: I must tell you, before you read, that this entire spawning fanfic happens before episode 11. This means that they don't know that Nekozawa is actually blonde. ;D)

* * *

"Tamaki-sempai, do you plan to fall in love?" 

The damsel was swept off her feet graciously, a milky pale hand delicatly holding her waste while the other was inter-twined with her own hand. A slim, smiling face hidden behind tussling golden bangs was only a few inches away from her own.

"If being graced with your glorious presence is love," he folded her hand in front of his face, kissing the knuckles yet still holding his gaze, "Then I fear I am already taken."

A simontanious squeeing from the girls around them chimed on cue, the girl in Tamaki's hold going limp against his words. He smiled dreamily, helping her back into her plush red seat beside him.

A little ways away, Haruhi sighed irritably, trying hard to keep her concentration with her three girls cooing over her.

_Just another day in the Host Club_, she thought quietly.

* * *

"Read faster, you scum!" 

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Came the almost tearful response from the younger of the siblings, pouring over the recipe which Nekozawa used to make this foul potion of love. The other three members leaned over their shoulders, each of them mumbling out the part they happened to be reading.

"I found it!" One male yelled out, jabbing his index finger towards a crinkled part of the page. Everyone gasped, reading over the symptoms of said love potion.

"_This potion is a very tricky one to undo – an anti-potion has no effect on the user whatsoever._"

"That means he's DOOMED!" The younger girl cried, her tears beginning to stain the page.

"YOU DOLT! This may just work our way!" Her older brother snapped, whacking her over the head with a miniature Bereznoff.

"How so?"

"If Tamaki falls in love with whoever, that means he won't oblige to be a Host!"

It fell silent in their group of five, thinking over the possibilities of who he could fall in love with.

Kyouya? Hmm, the 'Mom' and 'Dad' thing would work well…

Haruhi? Already did "love" her.

The Hitachiin twins? (The female members of the Black Magic Club broke out in nosebleeds.)

**Nekozawa-senpai?**

The horror of that situation made every single member scream loudly, a few of them running around the Third Chemistry Lab – one of them even going so far as to hyperventalate into a giant-sized Bereznoff.

All were horrified.

_Their_ precious Nekozawa-senpai being loved by the glorious Tamaki Suou? The younger of the two sibling members realized it would just be a tweaked version of watching the Hitachiins of the Host Club, only that Umehito-kun and Tamaki-kun weren't twins.

But they were both still men. And that was a cause for alarm.

After a few more seconds of reconciliation after the shocking mental image of their precious leader entagled in a silk bed naked with the Host Club King (more nosebleeds ensued), they returned, wiping their noses clean, to the book.

"Is there," more wiping, "Any cure whatsoever if anything goes wrong?"

"_If the curse needs to be undone, then the one cursed with this potion must overcome his love with a stronger love._

_IE: Fujioka Haruhi. So you're safe, dumb twits._"

All breathed a sigh of relief.

"So all we can do now is wait?"

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

A mysterious cloaked figure lurked outside the doors that lead to the Host Club, the gears inside the owner's brain churning and clicking as to how to infiltrate it. 

All questions pointed to one answer: He would have to take off his cloak and wig.

He knew well that nowone in the Host Club has seen his beautiful, fair golden hair, nowone besides his fellow Black Magic Club members. And he knew that his eyes were safe aswell, as he wore almost black-coloured contacts to save his beautiful greenish-blue eyes from being burned by the sunlight.

But how long would he last under such heavy natural lighting? Biting his lip, he began playing with the corners of his cloak.

Descisions, descisions…

"Sir, may I ask what you are doing?"

Nekozawa screeched, nearly jumping five feet into the air and turned around, mouth twitching.

There stood, no more than a foot away from him, a curious brunette student of Ouran.

"A-ah…" he tried despratly to form a reply, a sentence, ANYTHING at all to say to this girl.

_Think smart, Nekozawa. What is your objective?_

Oh God.

Please don't tell me I have to go in there and ask for Tamaki…

"Ah, well, you see," the hidden blond said, taking his two index fingers and began pushing them together, "I'm here to see Tamaki-kun."

"Really?" Came the joyful response, her hands clasped together in front of her face. "Then we can go in together! Bur first, you need to take off this cloak, I doubt they'll let you in looking like this…"

The cloaked man nearly felt his eye twitch, _Good dark lord, how am I going to talk myself out of this one?_

"Ah, just give me a second…"

Praying to the dark Gods of ancient times he didn't faint, he slowly pulled his wig off while trying to make it seem like he was scratching his forehead. Then, once he was sure the wig was put in pocket he had hid in the back of the hood, he unbuttoned his cloak and took it off.

In a millesecond, he had a swarming mob of fangirls around him.

"Kyaa! A man so handsome coming to see Tamaki-sempai! How romantic!"

"If you look at it right, they kind of look like twins! Like a second pair of Hitachiins!"

More squealing ensued.

Nekozawa could feel the light already starting to singe his skin, his mouth beginning to form a grimace at the pain prickled the back of his neck and his cheeks.

Looking down, he patted his right blazer pocket. Yup, the vile was still there.

And now, for some beautiful, romantic acting.

"Excuse me, I need to see Tamaki-kun now." He said wistfully, smiling kindly to the girls in his way to the door. A few of them fainted hearing such a low, rustic voice aimed towards their beautiful Tamaki-sempai.

Grasping the cold handle in his sweaty palms, it suddenly reminded him how hot his body was feeling now. He needed to get out of this fake lighting immediately…

Opening the door and stepping inside being followed by a few new dedicated fans, he automaticly began searching the room for his target.

Ah, there he was. Currently smothering the daylights out of Haruhi as usual over something so minor. It also appeared the twins were involved somehow, too.

"Hello."

For the second time that day did Nekozawa jump on the spot and squeak, turning his head to the right to see the insanely tall Mori with Honey perched on his shoulder. Honey then proceeded to look shocked.

"It's a boy!" He cried out, already scooching his way down Mori's side. Once on the ground, he reached out and clasped Nekozawa's hand with a huge smile, "You are our first guy-customer today! Do you want some cake to celebrate?"

The rustic blonde twitched, yet offered his best (and fake) uneasy smile, "Ah, no thank you, I'm full. May I see Tamaki-senpai quickly?"

"Of course!" Came the chirpy response, Honey already dashing over to where Tamaki was trying to maul the twins to death for forcing Haruhi into yet another suggestive scenario.

"YOU IMPOTENT TWINS!" He yelled, his brows knitted together and one finger jabbed in their direction.

"Mi'lord," they began, holding each other close, giving him their 'WTF' look, "Impotent means you can't bear children."

"Well… then that's a good thing then!" He interjected, trying to regain his composure from his outburst.

"But Hikaru…"

The younger of the twins leaned close into the older, his forehead resting on Hikaru's cheek, "If it were possible to bring life between us, I would glady do so."

The older of the Hitachiins eyes widened in realization, his arms wrapping around his younger brother and held him close, "I know you would, and I would reap that benefit to the very extent possible."

A supersonic squee (that almost knocked out Nekozawa) echoed around the entire Host Club, each and every bit directed towards the clinging Hitachiins currently in a very suggestive embrace.

_If they had children_, Nekozawa thought face down in the floor,_ They would be even more sick and deranged than they are.

* * *

_

"Ohh, that boy was so handsome."

The group of girls around her nodded in unison with each other, just standing a little ways away from the door that led into the Host Club. They were circled around the cloak which said boy had come from, all staring intently…

"…Someone should hold it, in case it gets dirty."

"Yeah."

More glaring, then all the girls dogpiled onto each other, groping for the cloak of Nekozawa.

After a few seconds of groping, screaming and fighting, did one immerge victorious.

"IT'S MINE!" Came one redhead, clutching it to her chest gleefully as others stared on in jelously. Flipping it around, she noticed a small tag sticking out near the base of the neckline.

"What does it say!" Two girls asked at the same time over her shoulder.

"It says…"

All three of them paled.

"NEKOZAWA! WITH OUR PRECIOUS TAMAKI-SEMPAI!"

* * *

"Tama-chan!" 

The Host Club King turned his attention towards the cute bundle of blond hair a few feet shorter than him.

"A handsome man says he's here to see you!"

_A man, so graced by my charm, has come to see me, Suou Tamaki?_

Already, the King's face was twisted in a look of pleasure and admiration. The twins, looking dumstruck, slid up behind him quietly.

"And you're the one calling US gay." They deadpanned in unison, snapping Tamaki out of his wonderful fantasy.

"YOU—YOU—"

"Tamaki-kun?"

The man in question turned to the call of his name, only to come face to face with, whom he thought, was indeed a very handsome man. His arms suddenly went limp, and his eyes wide.

In front of him was a boy with a lanky form, startling greenish-blue eyes and well-kept, shaggy blonde hair. It took him a second, but he was able to offer his guest his best smile and extended a hand forward. He winked.

"Welcome to the Host Club, is this your first time here?"

_I think I'm going to puke_ "Yes, it is. Though from the quality service," a soft laugh, "I should have come here earlier."

"I must tell you first that I am not used to having male guests, so please go—"

"TAMAKI-SEMPAIIIII!"

From the door of the Host Club came a mob of fangirls, each looking angrily at the blonde boy standing beside their precious Tamaki. Nekozawa's eyes shot open wide – the one leading the pack had his cloak in her hands, gripping the fabric tightly.

"Now, what is all this?" The King asked the girls in suprise, waving his hands around as he walked passed the unknown Nekozawa.

Now, Nekozawa rarely swore, but the word "SHIT" ran through his mind as soon as he spotted his cloak. He cursed his error in leaving said item in the hallway for all eyes to gaze on, but now was not the time for thinking.

Now was a time for action. (And yaoi)

"Tamaki-kun!" He cooed, shuffling over quickly behind said boy, his hands grasping the other blonde's shoulders and his forehead leaning on the back of Tamaki's neck.

_I must take a shower directly when I get homet._

His brows furrowing at the un-named boy whom was hiding behind him, then returning his attention back towards the angry flock of girls in front of him.

He smiled easily at them, "Now ladies, there is no need for such a commotion—"

"THAT BOY BEHIND YOU IS NEKOZAWA-SEMPAI, FOUNDER OF THE BLACK MAGIC CLUB!" They all screamed in unison, tears flying from their eyes.

The entire room fell silent.

Everyone's attention was drawn to the shuddering form hidden behind Tamaki, hands drawn down from the boy's shoulders and into one of his blazer's pockets. He couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't take the entire "Ohhh TAMAKI" act, even if it killed him.

Which it would have, if the light wasn't going to first.

Haruhi blinked, "_That's_ Nekozawa-sempai?" She asked quizzicly.

"That's impossible…" Tamaki began slowly, horror sinking in as he realized who was clinging onto him from behind. The man whom he thought was handsome…

"Is this true!" He yelled, turning around sharply to the suspected Umehito.

Before more could be said, a vile was practically shoved down his throat.

"GUHK!"

"Milord!" The twins yelled in unison, sprinting from their group of fangirls towards the menacing Nekozawa.

Meanwhile, the exposed blonde smirked evily as he watched the petrified Suou drink every last drop of the potion. Pulling the vile away from Tamaki, he pocketed it again.

It was then the twins mauled him.

"HOW DARE YOU—" Smack! Punch!

"INTERRUPT THESE LOVELY LADIES—" More punching.

The now half-dead blonde layed on the floor with the Hitachiins hovering over him, their fists clenched and ready to punch if any movement were to come from his response.

Tamaki's sterling blue eyes widened, "What…"

The twins looked up, as did the partially-dead Nekozawa, "What are you doing…"

"…TO SUCH A GORGEOUS MAN!"

Hikaru and Kaoru's faces nearly fell off in horror as they watched their King playfully tackle the other blonde on the floor in front of them. He brought his face close to the other, nuzzling and squeeing as if he were a fangirl.

Nekozawa snapped.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO—AH! THE LIGHT! IT BUUUURNS!" The green-blue-eyed boy began, sprawling and kicking like a spoiled child, tears flying out of his eyes as Tamaki continued to playfully poke and prod and nuzzle every piece of his body.

"IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A MISERY POTION!" He screamed again.

The fangirls, onlooking their precious King now wrestling Nekozawa-sempai in a very suggestive manner, began screaming in horror at the unclean sight.

Haruhi dropped her teacup.

Honey dropped his bun-bun.

Mori blinked _twice_.

And Kyouya shrugged, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

"It appears the misery has fallen on _you_, Nekozawa-sempai." He said curtly.

All what the blonde could do was scream louder in protest.

* * *

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! X3 I said this chapter would be coming out in July, but I was nice and wrote it up today for you. Aren't you all happy? 

I'm not sure when the next chapter will be posted, but I can assure as soon as I get access to Word and the internet, it shall be up! Until next time ;D


	3. A Solution Begins

**Potion Commotion  
**Chapter 3: A Solutions Begins  
By Drunken Shinigami

(Notes: Yes, so, I'll try to keep everyone more on character this time around. I noticed that I made a few errors. Nevertheless, here it is, TamaNeko crack in all its glory:3

Crack. Is. Good.)

----------

The screams died down to whimpers of remorse, watching on in sheer pain as their precious King playfully tackled and glomped the daylights out of the newly found-out Nekozawa.

Of course, only a few seconds after said glomped blond began screaming, he fainted from being exposed to the light for so long.

This left an eerie silence to creep up onto everyone in the Host Club, the occasional chuckle from the plaful Suou escaping into the thick tension-filled air.

Kyouya pushed his glasses further up his nose, glancing up from his notebook to Tamaki. He sighed mentally, bringing himself down to his work oncemore.

He had to calculate how this irrational turn of events would impact the club; after all, from his current standpoint, their income would drop drasticly.

Or, perhaps, he could play it to their advantage…

----------

"Nekozawa-senpai sure is taking a long time."

"Yeah."

The darkness inside the Third Chemistry Lab seemed a little bit darker today, whether it was because their precious leader and idol was not with them at the moment, or maybe it was because they knew something said leader and idol didn't.

The five-point circle they sat in, legs brought up to their chest and heads drooped over did not make them look like a happy bunch either.

"Should we try to go over to the Host Club to see if Nekozawa-senpai is alright?" The younger of the siblings asked, her voice quivvering in guilt.

"We should." Assured her older brother, "Nekozawa-senpai needs us now!"

Three more affirmed nods, and they all stood up.

"We know that, somewhere, somehow – our leader needs our help!"

"YEAH!"

Pumping their fists into the air, they cheered loudly. Of course, they still had no idea how they could help out.

But when your leader is in need, who needs a plan?

----------

"I hope Tamaki feels better by tommorow," One raven-haired client muttered to the brunette in front of her. Haruhi offered her a small smile, opening the door wider so she could part with the Host Club.

"I hope so too." The hidden female responded softly. The girl smiled back, shuffling her way out, then the hidden female closing the bronze lock behind her. Haruhi then turned around, observing the situation playing out before her.

Nekozawa had passed out some time ago and had a cheery-looking Tamaki hugging his shoulders from behind, humming a tune to himself as he swayed. Once every few minutes, a sort of moaning sound would escape from the Black Magic Club president, which truly sent shivers up Haruhi's spine.

"What should we do?" She asked openly, glancing towards Kyouya. Knowing him, he probably had some sort of plan worked out to play the potion mishap to his advantage.

The raven-haired man glanced up from his notebook, onyx eyes settling on the thin form of Haruhi. He then closed them, a knowing look on his face, "I was able to find the student who was the Co-President to the Black Magic Club, and asked him to come over here to take Nekozawa away for us."

Tamaki, from his spot on the floor, looked up to the shadow king and gave him an insulted look.

"Take me away from my Neko-chan? You couldn't possibly do such a thing!" He wailed, clinging to the passed-out blond even more, his face nuzzling dramatically into the back of tussled blond locks.

Haruhi blinked twice, having both the twins slide up behind her and place an elbow on each of her shoulders.

"We should also put Mi'lord in therapy." Added Hikaru and Kaoru in unison, both looking over their shoulder to the Host Club King still smothering the daylights out of Nekozawa. They both snorted.

"That won't work." Kyouya interjected calmly, "We first need someone from the Black Magic Club to explain to us exactly what was in the potion, how to remedy it, and then we choose our actions."

"I think this is a bit ridiculous." Haruhi objected, slouching her shoulders to brush off the twin's arms, then stepped forward. "I don't believe that a potion made Tamaki change… so suddenly."

She silently admitted that the sight of her superior rolling around on the floor, hugging someone and giggling, did NOT bring pleasant images to her mind. In fact, it was like dealing with a more immature Tamaki, and that made her groan. She already had a time dealing with his mood swings as it was.

The identical twins sighed. Kyouya stayed silent and went back to his work. Haruhi sighed as well, noting dully that Honey and Mori were still outside the Host Club explaining to their customers what happened with Tamaki and such.

_This day, I feel, will suddenly seem a lot longer that it was originally intended to be._

_----------_

"What did you get?"

"A message from the Host Club?"

Four members crowded around one's cellphone, all eyes peeled to the glowing screen.

"It's from Ootori-sempai! This must be urgent." One of the members, a redhead, noted quietly.

"Big brother, how long will you be going for?" The younger of the two siblings asked, her voice wavering. The elder son gave his sister a smile.

"Not long, I'm thinking."

Snapping the sleek cellphone shut and making everyone jump, the Co-President stood to his feet, hitting a heroic pose.

"I shall be back, fellow members, to report to you the news of our precious, abnormally ho—I MEAN, dear Nekozawa-senpai! And I swear by my name, Tezuka Nakamura, that I shall get him back in one un-broken piece and nuture him to full health with my own two hands!"

The rest of the Black Magic Club had tears in their eyes, as overhead clippings of streamers flutter down from the ceiling and over Tezuka.

Breaking his pose; he coughed, then began striding over towards the door leading to the Host Club.

Everyone cheered.

His black cloak fwooshed in the billowing wind, his determination shone through him as he opened the door.

The cheers died down and were replaced with groans as he shut the door behind him.

"Brother," his sister said with a grunt, "You walked into the broom closet again. The door to the Host Club is," she motioned with her hand, "Over there."

Quickly skittering out of the closet with a nervous, almost high-strung laugh, he then began scratching his neck appolagetically. His sister then approached him and pointed him in the right direction.

"Thank you, Ayame!" Tezuka thanked, kissing her hand. She blushed in return, giggling.

Everyone else sweatdropped and twitched, remembering they were siblings.

Tezuka then fwooshed out the door, his sister waving him off like a schoolgirl waving off her crush.

"I forgot the Nakamuras had… problems…"

"_Oooooh yeah…_"

----------

**THUMP!**

"I believe he has arrived." Kyouya noted dully.

It seems our tragic new hero, Tezuka Nakamura, forgot there were two sets of doors one after another that led to the Host Club.

He had forgotten to open the second door.

----------  
----------

I know, crap ending to a crap chapter. But I lost motive halfway through writing this short chapter and thought about giving up. Then I said, "Shi-san, are you _that_ mean to give up on everyone who's reading it and wants more?"

And so I got my mojo together and wrote this up. I promise in the future to try and write the characters more… on character. This is my first Ouran fic, so please be patient with me. I'm still learning, after all. :3

Reviews are loved, everyone! I love all of you who have reviewed so far!

-Drunken Shinigami


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